August 31, 2017
Yesterday, that word holds so many hopes and heartaches, but you know what else holds more hopes than heartaches…Tomorrow! There’s so much to be said about my life, the good, the bad, the wild and the crazy…God has been there in every moment.
This week I was the subject behind the camera and as I was preparing this blog I found an article that sums up so many things perfectly about my life! I am on a journey, I’m growing, I’m seeking God and striving for a healthier self. I don’t know what is next, but I see Him, I hear Him and I know that I know He wants good things for me!
“She never asked for much, but it seems that what her heart ached for most still remained elusive, as if it was always just out of reach.
So she stopped reaching for it, and she stopped trying to find it, because she became to believe that you don’t find love—but that love finds you.
And so, she had decided to simply see what would happen in life, if she just let it happen. But she had been through too much to just simply let it roll off her back, because sometimes what we experience becomes woven into our roots and grows to be a part of the story that we tell ourselves.
She’d felt that deep hole of heartache—the kind where your breath gets heavy, and it hurts to think about a time when all you did was smile—one too many times in the past few years. And though she always seemed to bounce back, she wondered if she’d really ever be the same again. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to be—perhaps instead, she was designed to be stitched together with the golden thread of all the times her heart had been broken.
She realized now that she’s been confused for far longer than she would ever have previously cared to admit—not necessarily confused about love or who her heart truly belongs to—but confused by life and the odd way it has of not working out but often unraveling in the most painful way possible, just so it may finally fall together at the last minute.
At least her heart had that tendency, and it’s probably because of it that she always looks forward to the great fourth quarter comeback—because she knows it exists. She knows that nothing is truly ever over.
And so, she rolled around in the new spring grass knowing that if she was going to make a change for real this time, then her heart needed to take a vacation—somewhere new, somewhere beautiful and somewhere she could catch her breath.
She picked somewhere that felt like hope.
It was a chance for her to press reset—to start over, so that if that fourth quarter comeback did come into play, she’d be in the place to be ready for it.
She was not always be the easiest to reach, and her roads were rarely paved, but like most beautiful, wild places—she was always worth it.
But this vacation wasn’t about forgetting, and it wasn’t about chasing the love out of her heart that lives there so deeply—it’s simply about giving herself time to get caught up and to settle down.
To remember who she was before her heart was broken—and to remind herself just how far she has come. That she no longer has to identify with who she was in the past, and that maybe it’s time to finally tuck that woman between the pages of her worn and creased memory book.
Perhaps it’s ultimately the time for that woman to become nothing but a memory, smelling like late summer violets and rainwater that fell off a hot tin roof steaming under an electric summer storm.
She is different now—life has finally come full circle, and something new is about to begin.
But before her future can begin, she needs some time to hold her heart and just breathe, knowing that whatever does come her way, it has surely been meant for her right from the start.
Because something tells her this time—it won’t miss.”
Knoxville TN Photographer
photos by Leah Bullard